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Dear Spirit Coach, featured as part of SpiritSite.com's "Coaching Corner" column, is Copyright © 2001 by Dr. Kathi Ann Middendorf. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission. HTML and web pages copyright © by SpiritSite.com.

"She will find the work in the outer world only after she has explored her inner world to find what she truly loves and who she truly is."


  Dr. Kathi Ann Middendorf, Dear Spirit Coach

On Finding One's Dream Job

Dear Spirit Coach,
A friend and I were discussing finding our life's work and she had the following question: "If I come up with my dream job, how can I find it?" – Abbie

Dear Abbie,

Her dream job will be a reflection of who she is. It will be a culmination of experiences that she has had to this point in time. So, if I were coaching her directly, I would ask what she loved to do as a child, what she loves to do now, who she likes to spend time with, what her vision for the world is, how she sees her personal mission fulfilling this vision, and what steps she is willing to take to find her dream job. 

The answer to finding her dream job will not be found in any of the above questions specifically, but will emerge from the mental and spiritual work of fully answering each of the questions.

Her job will be found in places where she would love to be – so where are those places? Her job would be with people she loves to be around – so who are those people? Her job would be doing a work that does not feel like work – so what does she do that so engages her heart, mind and spirit that time stands still?

My answer to her would be that she will find the work in the outer world only after she has explored her inner world to find what she truly loves and who she truly is. Then this clarity of vision, combined with her intention, attention and action will create an attraction between her and the job so that they will be drawn together in a most natural manner. This process also requires that she be out in the flow of life – not sitting at home waiting for the Universe to bring it to her.

On Procrastination

Dear Spirit Coach:

A question that I have is generally this; how do you kick yourself in the butt to get yourself to do things that you know you should do? Another way of approaching this is how do you deal with procrastination? - Kim

Dear Kim:

People often do not do what they know would be best to do.

If you are "shoulding" on yourself about things you ought to do, you have put yourself in a "no win" situation. The procrastination signals a struggle with authority that is totally within your own being. Remove all the "shoulds" from your life, and see what is remaining that you want to do, or choose to do.

Think of the voice that urges you to act as the "still, small voice" of your higher self. So many strive to develop their intuitive gifts and do not even realize that the voice is already within them, but dying from neglect. Spiritual teachers talk about living in the moment and following guidance…what do you think they are referring to?

The thought that answers back…"I’ll do it later, I don’t want to go there, I’ll start on Monday" is the ego voice resisting the urgings of the higher self. Next time you find yourself procrastinating, think about which voice you wish to honor. In the mean time, set up an experiment with yourself.

Choose a day when you will honor the communication from the higher self by doing immediately what comes to mind…with no procrastination. At the end of the day, review your experience. I will bet that your day is filled with wonder and unexpected

On Higher Self and Ego

Dear Spirit Coach,
Last month you said to follow the guidance of our higher selves. Well, how
do I know when it’s my higher self or my ego self? – Ellen

Dear Ellen,

It is sometimes difficult to distinguish, but it is helpful to remember that your ego was created to keep you safe in the world. So, usually, if the thought is primarily focused on the self, then it is probably ego-based. The following comparisons will help you distinguish:

Ego Self                          Higher Self

My good                          Highest good
Teeth-gritting will power   Attentively relaxed
Product                            Process
Demand                           Modeling
Perspiration                      Inspiration
Rigid                                Understanding
Self-aggrandizement         Selflessness
Black/white                      Hold the paradox
Doubt/second guessing     Inner sense of rightness
Future/past orientation      Focused in the present
Sense of pointlessness      Sense of purposefulness
Personal manipulation       Synchronicities increase
Immediate gratification     Ongoing evolution
Conditional love               Loving and forgiving

If you can be clear about your motivation, then you can act in harmlessness. Two questions that can help when deciding about performing an action are: Would I do this if everyone in the world knew about it" -- and -- "Would I do this if no one in the world knew about it?" 

If you can answer yes to both, you know that this is not an ego motivated action.

Dr. Kathi Ann Middendorf is a Spiritually based Personal and Professional Coach. She works with individuals and teams who are ready to embrace positive changes and move to a higher level of effectiveness and satisfaction in their personal and work lives. A major strength is helping clients find and live their life purpose. She is the immediate past president of the North Carolina Association of Personal and Business Coaches, and is the present chairperson of Spiritual Frontiers Fellowship of the Triangle. You can visit Kathi’s web site at coachyourspirit.com (site will open in a new window).

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